Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
