Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
