Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
