i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
