we're chasing vodka with high fives
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
