Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
