Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
