hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
