I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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