someone threw a dead crab at me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
