why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
