please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize