Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So much Jack, so little girl.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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