This girl is more easily done than said...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The dick lei will go down in squad history
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
