i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
