No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
