Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
