Don't you send me to vm
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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