Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
