um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
