How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize