Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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