that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
