Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
