i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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