Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
