She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
