Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
