if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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