i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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