I have demons in me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everclear isn't food dammit
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
