anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
