So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
