I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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