He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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