You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
