I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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