i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
