just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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