I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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