i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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