Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
