I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
