I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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