Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He shit in the fireplace
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