I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there's paper in my vomit.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
