Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
