fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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