It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
