He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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