I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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