Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
