Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
