U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
