I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
