Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize