Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
