No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
