we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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