This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
