i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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