You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize