when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's just like the Real World with babies
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
