My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
even my farts smell like vagina
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
