Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
