he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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