also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
