You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
