we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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