my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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