Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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