I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize