They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
