the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
