Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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