dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
