totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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