I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
