There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
