1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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