What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
