The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found the puke drawer
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize