get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I looked at my own cervix.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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