Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
