I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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