The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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