it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
