no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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