so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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