i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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