i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
