woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
