I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
