This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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