I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
